Marriage Assessment | Become The Captain

What Pattern May Be Influencing Your Marriage More Than You Realize?

First name

Last name

Phone

Email

1. Which best describes you?

I’m an active LDS man

I identify as LDS but am not currently active

I was previously LDS

I’m a Christian, but not LDS

2. Which best describes your current relationship situation?

I’m married for the first time

I’m remarried

I’m married, but currently separated

I’m married, and divorce has been discussed or initiated

3. When you’re deciding whether to say what you really think or feel, how much does your wife’s possible reaction factor into that decision?

Very little. I usually say what I think or feel regardless of how she may respond

Sometimes. Her possible reaction can influence how much I say or how I say it

Quite a bit. I often find myself adjusting, softening, or holding back based on how I think she may react

4. When your wife disagrees with you or becomes upset, what usually determines how you respond next?

I stay calm, listen, and still say what I genuinely think or feel

I usually stay steady, though I may get defensive or start second-guessing myself

I tend to soften, pull back, or become more careful with what I say

I often notice myself adjusting what I say or do based on how she seems to be responding

5. When you and your wife want different things, what tends to shape how strongly you stand behind what you want?

I say what I want, hear her perspective, and work toward a decision I can genuinely stand behind

I usually speak up, though I may reconsider if I sense she’s disappointed or upset

I often notice her reaction influencing how strongly I hold my position

I tend to compromise quickly or let her take the lead when tension rises

I keep what I want to myself rather than create more friction

6. When something difficult needs to be talked about, what tends to determine whether you bring it up or hold back?

I bring it up calmly and say what I honestly think and feel

I usually bring it up, though I may soften or hold back part of what I really want to say

I tend to wait and see if the issue resolves before bringing it up

I don't bring it up until it can't be ignored

7. After a disagreement, what usually happens to the connection between you and your wife?

We understand each other better and are more connected afterwards

We usually find our way back, even if it takes a little time

Sometimes we reconnect quickly, and other times something seems to linger

We get to a surface level agreement, but there is still some unresolved distance afterwards

There is no resolution which creates more distance between us

8. When you express appreciation or admiration for your wife, what usually drives it?

I express it when I genuinely notice something I appreciate with no hidden agenda

I mean what I say, though I sometimes hope it creates more warmth towards me from her

I’m more likely to express it when I sense we could use more closeness or a shift in the mood

I don’t express appreciation very often, so it’s hard to say what usually drives it

9. Which best describes the current rhythm of sexual intimacy in your marriage?

10. When you and your wife do share sexual intimacy, which description feels closest to the experience?

It feels mutually desired, affectionate, and deeply connecting

It usually feels positive and connecting, even if it varies

The physical intimacy is there, but the emotional connection is rarely present

Duty sex—mostly routine, obligatory, or one-sided

We are not currently sharing sexual intimacy

11. Which best describes how your marriage currently feels when it comes to connection and intimacy?

Alone even if together

Roommates with rings

Connected & intimate

12. If one or two things could meaningfully shift in your marriage over the next 90 days, which would make the biggest difference for you?

Speak honestly and handle difficult conversations without arguments, defensiveness, or shutting down

Feel confident saying what I really think and want without walking on eggshells

Rebuild trust and emotional safety with my wife

Feel emotionally close and connected to my wife again

Reignite affection, attraction, and sexual intimacy

Feel more grounded, confident, and respected as a husband

Gain clarity about what moving forward in my marriage should look like

13. Which of these have you already tried in hopes of improving your marriage? Select all that apply.

Marriage counseling, therapy, or meeting with a church leader

Books, podcasts, courses, or other marriage advice

Praying, serving more, being more patient, or trying harder

Changing how I communicate or respond during difficult moments

Trying different approaches on my own

I have not really known what to try or where to begin

14. If your results reveal a pattern that could make the biggest difference in your marriage, would you like personalized recommendations for what to focus on next?

Yes, absolutely

Maybe, I’d like to learn more

Not right now

15. If strengthening your marriage only required a few manageable changes, which best describes where you are right now?

This is a priority, and I’m ready to take action

I’d be open to making a few simple changes

My life feels too full to focus on this right now

16. Is there anything about your marriage or current situation that you feel would help me better understand what you’re experiencing or hoping for?

Optional